Short But Sweet

The winner of the raffle is…

Alyson B.!

I am very grateful for all of you who participated and responded to my questionnaire. Knowing where you are in your life will guide me to provide conversation, resources or tips that will be most helpful to you.

If you would still like to do the questionnaire even though the raffle is over, I’ve left the questions below. I’d still love to hear from you.

Seeing you first…

You seeing you is more powerful than them seeing you.

Whatever the area of life in question, say for example creativity, you seeing you first and allowing yourself the experience of your creativity solely for your benefit is more powerful in your world than them seeing you (whomever the themare in that situation). Them is usually the people we think we need to impress or prove ourselves to in order to have what we want.

Questionnaire
Even though the raffle is over, if you’d still like to share, I’d love to hear from you. I promise, it is brief. Just reply from what you know in this moment. As always what you send me is private and will be treated as such.

1. What are the top 3 places in your life where you feel stuck?

2. How do you normally respond when you feel stuck?

3. What tools do you draw on to get unstuck, if any?

4. What do you feel are your obstacles to getting unstuck?

5. How will you feel or what will things look like when you get unstuck?

Thank you!!

The holidays are coming!

Nope, they’re here! And with the holidays can come travel, special events and sometimes a scary schedule. I will be working my normal schedule of Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays except for November 27th, December 21st & 25th and January 1st, otherwise my schedule for appointments is the same. If you want to book a session before Thanksgiving, I have some spots available, just email me.

Happy Holiday,

Lori B.

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Knowing me, Knowing you (Why ABBA?)

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Okay, why ABBA?

In truth, I’m not totally sure. But here’s how it went. I’ve had a few conversations this week about “the unknown” as well as it has been a big conversation in my own life. There is this experience for many of not knowing what’s coming next and it’s causing strong feelings, for some anxiety or fear. It seems like in the past, the path was known.

In conversation, one thing in particular I’ve noticed is the words and feelings people associate with the unknown, i.e. uncomfortable, scary, unsettling, and the like. There is also this looming feeling that something bad will happen. Not surprising for most of us because that has been what has happened…the car broke down, got a call a family member is in the hospital, lost our job and so on. Those moments were “unknown” and caused discomfort and even pain which then can cause us to fear what’s next. I’m not suggesting that it isn’t a valid reaction with what a lot of us have been through, I’d just like to point out the other side.

The unknown is also the news that you got the job, the call the relative made it through surgery, a check in the mail you didn’t know was coming, meeting someone you dig that you had no idea existed before that moment. All of those are “unknowns” too. My concern for myself was that I am walking with my unknown-is-bad-blinders on and not looking up to see what of the magical “unknowns” is waiting for me. Which unknown are you waiting for?

 

So, back to ABBA. Why ABBA? As I was sharing this in my head with you before I wrote it I kept hearing, “Knowing me, knowing you!” Turns out the song was ABBA and the lyrics otherwise don’t fit at all with the conversation but the song and their very dated video gave me a great big smile (and of course I sang along) and that was an unknown to me. An unknown moment that became a moment of pleasure. And here for your pleasure if you so choose, is ABBA…(okay maybe keep reading then come back and click :)

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUrzicaiRLU

Love to hear where you’re at…

I have things I’d like to talk about but I’d prefer to provide tools, resources or share more directly to where you are so I can be more helpful. All you have to do is answer a brief questionnaire to help me better help you. I promise, it is brief.

 

 

There are only 5 questions and I encourage you to not overthink them. Spend just a few minutes with the first thoughts that come to mind. There’s no “getting it right”. Just reply from what you know in this moment.

 

Email your response to me at the email address below with the subject “Raffle!” and swish, you’re entered! I’ll select and announce the raffle winner (a free one-hour session via Skype) on November 28th! So don’t delay!

 

As always what you send me is private and will be treated as such.

 

Here we go:

 

1. What are the top 3 places in your life where you feel stuck?

 

2. How do you normally respond when you feel stuck?

 

3. What tools do you draw on to get unstuck, if any?

 

4. What do you feel are your obstacles to getting unstuck?

 

5. How will you feel or what will things look like when you get unstuck?

 

Thank you!!

The holidays are coming!

Nope, they’re here! And with the holidays can come travel, special events and sometimes a scary schedule. I will be working my normal schedule of Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays except for November 27th, December 21st & 25th and January 1st, otherwise my schedule for appointments is the same. If you want to book a session before Thanksgiving, I have some spots available, just email me.

 

Happy Holiday,

Lori B.
lori@whereareyoustuckworkshop.com

http://whereareyoustuckworkshop.com/

p.s. Feel free to forward the questionnaire to a friend.

 

The free session will be for one-hour and held via Skype (with or without camera). Session value is $115 and cannot be exchanged for cash. 

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Win a session!

Raffle…weird word. Raffle.

But guess what? I’m having one!

I am raffling off a *free one-hour session with me via Skype in exchange for a little help from you. All you have to do to be entered is answer a brief questionnaire to help me better help you. I promise, it is brief.

I have things I’d like to talk about but I’d prefer to provide tools, resources or share more directly to where you are so I can be more helpful.

There are only 5 questions and I encourage you to not overthink them. Spend just a few minutes with the first thoughts that come to mind. There’s no “getting it right”. Just reply from what you know in this moment.

Email your response to me at the email address below with the subject “Raffle!” and swish, you’re entered! I’ll select and announce the raffle winner on November 28th! So don’t delay!

As always what you send me is private and will be treated as such.

Here we go:

1. What are the top 3 places in your life where you feel stuck?

2. How do you normally respond when you feel stuck?

3. What tools do you draw on to get unstuck, if any?

4. What do you feel are your obstacles to getting unstuck?

5. How will you feel or what will things look like when you get unstuck?

Thank you!!

Lori B.

lori@whereareyoustuckworkshop.com

http://whereareyoustuckworkshop.com/

p.s. Feel free to forward the questionnaire to a friend.

The free session will be for one-hour and held via Skype (with or without camera). Session value is $115 and cannot be exchanged for cash. 

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But can I have fries?

I have to laugh when I catch myself responding to something like a four year old child. For example, I feel like I am constantly asking the Universe for guidance, but even more so of late I’ve been very specific with the asking and very attentive and patience with the listening. When asked by a friend recently how I’m doing, my response was muddy. I’m feeling a little lost but at the same time not, like I’ve got stuff to work on. I keep thinking I don’t have it, that I’m not getting guidance and feeling a little lost. Yes, muddy.

Why I have to laugh is because I realized I don’t like the information I’m getting. It’s not new and shiny anymore. I’ve been given the guidance and I started working on it but then stopped. There is nothing wrong with it. It isn’t that difficult and the guidance on the actions to take are in alignment with an aspect of my life that I’ve been asking to grow. But I was killing myself laughing with a friend as I realized this…I’m acting like a four year old who asked for ice cream, just got a scoop of it and has barely take one bite before she says…”But can I have fries?”

I asked for guidance. I got it. I kinda, sorta followed through but I’m not done yet. So, my inner bored child wants something else to do. Every time I go back into meditation I now know what the Universe has been saying, “Finish what you started and then we’ll talk about the next step.”

I’ve had difficulty finishing projects in the past that I’m the only one who it affects and the only one who can really work on it. I don’t show up. I don’t finish. The Universe is saying “I’m gonna keep telling you the same thing until you do” (in a loving way) because the Universe believes in me.

I got the message and a good laugh. Stop asking for guidance and get to the guidance I’ve been given. Then, come back for the fries.

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Room enough for me?

A brief thought…

I’ve heard this question come up in the past few days, ‘Is there room in my life for me?”

I feel the question has to do with the ways in which we distract ourselves from doing what we want. We know there is an unbelievably endless well of ‘things that need to get done’ that can jump in front of any thing you want to give your time to. If you have something you enjoy doing but never have enough time for it…this is that thing. (Usually creative) It’s something you love to do, maybe is isn’t bringing you money right now or maybe you never expect it to, but it’s important to you. You feel good doing this thing. It brings you joy. AND, you notice that every amount of something else always finds a way of usurping that time.

So, remember, YOU are the only one who truly has the power over your own schedule whether you think so or not. You are worth the 20, 30, 90 minutes you give yourself to do it. There is room in your life for you…which is doing, even for a little bit, the thing you love to do.

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Rite of Passage

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Does anyone else feel like they are going through some kind of initiation or rite of passage in their life right now? Boy, I do.

 

Good news, I know what mine is. And fortunately there is no bad news. My rite of passage is a hurdle and one I’ve jumped before at different important moments in my life. Were it not for some signs of lack still in my life, I wouldn’t have seen where un-forgiveness, resentment, fear and pain still reside within me. These are the symptoms of an old wound that has become an old story that I’ve kept alive – a living history. I’ve not kept it alive intentionally of course, but subconsciously this stuff runs deep.

 

What I did not know before, and by know I mean feel deeply, was the amount of energy and power that this living history drains from me. All that energy to keep an old pain alive! It’s like I’ve left some huge program on in the background of my computer and its been draining juice. And, I’ve been trying to shut it down (let it go) for years!

 

Unconsciously I keep recreating similar scenarios in my life in (subconscious) optimism I will “wake up” and find a way to process the wound so I can make a new choice or see a new perspective and move forward. I have made progress at different moments in my life. I need to honor that. And, at the same time I know I’ve also cycled round and round, using old habits to not deal, winding into and out of this core issue expending an amazing amount of energy to keep myself safe from it. Deep inside, I assume I fear I’ll die if I actually felt that old pain plus all the interest it has accrued over the decades.

 

So how do you let go when you feel like you’ve done it a thousand times and yet you’re met with the issue again?

 

First, take a deep breath and be gentle. You’ve done nothing wrong by it being here. It’s not evidence you’ve failed, nor that you haven’t figured it out. It’s life and life comes in layers, or waves; whatever metaphor you like.

 

Second, look for any new information, insight or awareness around the issue that is different or new. Is there something happening in your life now that makes sense for this issue to come up again?

 

Third, use any healthy tools from the past that have helped you walk through challenging moments in life – i.e. journaling, mediation, books, a practitioner you trust…

 

Fourth, give yourself permission to be present and persistent. The issue could be coming up for a reason now, so give it loving attention to see what it is here to offer you and why now.

 

Finally, be open to the simple (albeit emotional) journey of shedding another layer of the onion. Letting go offers an opportunity for compassion, vulnerability and growth. Maybe that alone is enough of a good reason. Just remember to be specific when you talk about letting go…don’t be afraid to name it…it wants to leave…that’s why it came back in the first place. It is a chance to do it different.

 

If you have any questions or thoughts, please feel free to email me – lori@whereareyoustuckworkshop.com – subject “Rite of Passage”. Your question could be helpful to others. If so, with your permission, I may share it in a post.

Thanks for reading!
Lori

 

“The pleasure is all mine to finally let go.” – Bjork

(PHOTO above – www.listverse.com “10 Bizarre Rites of Passage” – Both a harvest ritual and a rite of passage amongst the tribes of the small pacific island of Vanuatu, land diving is now a tourist phenomenon. The men who live on Pentecost Island in Vanuatu, climb a rickety 98-foot-tall (30-meter) tower, tie vines to their ankles and dive to the ground, falling at speeds around 45 mph (72 kph).
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I Didn’t Say It and I Made a Mess

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A number of people have asked me to help them find their voice. They realize they haven’t been able to express how they feel or what they want in certain situations. A backlog of emotions or the unintended explosion of emotions are what usually bring them to this place of wanting to deal with it once and for all.

 

I have a long personal history with this subject. Looking back over my life, especially the early years of adolescence and young adulthood, I can recount a number of situations where I didn’t say what I thought or what I wanted. And I can look back to each of those moments and see the mess (of varying scale) I created by not speaking up.

 

I didn’t have the self-awareness or wisdom at the time to ask myself some helpful questions like, “Why didn’t I say it?”  or “What do I think will happen if I say what I think or want?” In hindsight my answer is clear. It was fear. Fear I’ll get my feelings hurt or hurt someone else’s feelings, fear they will be mad at me, won’t like me, turn on me, leave me, hate me, hurt me…goodness it’s amazing I ever spoke at all. Fear I’d appear unkind, fear I’d get bullied or fear it would start an argument and to make an obvious point, I was not okay with conflict.

 

Was I right? I don’t know because I never gave them or me a chance to find out.

 

Because I didn’t have the knowledge at the time to ask myself those questions, I tucked away the feelings and behaved like nothing happened. As most of you know, there is no “away” so wherever I tucked those feelings became a backlog of emotions, some of it anger and resentment believing myself oppressed by others that I couldn’t speak my truth.

 

In more unfortunate situations, my unexpressed thoughts and feelings that would have met the temperature of their original situation probably just fine, then exploded at a pitch unrelated to the current situation. I’ve made a mess. I’ve vomited on a otherwise manageable situation all my old unexpressed thoughts or feelings. The person who was the unwitting recipient of this prize feels attacked and overwhelmed, at the least surprised. Whatever I feared before was now my reality.

 

Here’s the good news…it’s out! (If you relate to this experience.) Now we can deal with the actual situation and feelings about it. It’s out in the open. We are sometimes so afraid we won’t be able to handle the situation, so we don’t, and it doesn’t make it go away…it just grows from neglect.  Even more good news.  We can go back and clean up most things. You can always return to a conversation and say, “You know when you asked me about that? I know I said this but after more thought I think this.”

 

If you find yourself not saying what you want or not saying how you really feel, answer these questions:

 

1. Ask yourself why you didn’t say it? Give your best guess.

2. What did you think would happen if you did say it? How did you think that person was going to react?

3. By not expressing your thought or feeling what did you just create for myself or the other person?

4. Is it worth it for you to return to the conversation to express yourself or is it enough that you understand what happened and you will be more mindful when asked again.

 

This isn’t easy for a lot of us, but you are worth the time and effort. We each have our own way of speaking up for ourselves. Practice will give you the space to find your voice and how you express it. In the end, the most important person to express your truth to is you.

 

If this was helpful, please share it.

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Obstacle or Information?

I am reminded as I move towards what I want in my life, the things that pop up and appear to look like a problem (obstacle) are actually information to help me get aligned with what I want. Not validation I can’t have it.

Be open to those experiences that seem to be a problem. Give them a chance to give you information on what you can do to support yourself.

1. Take a moment to sit quietly with pen and paper and state clearly to yourself what the problem is.

2. Ask yourself, what would I gain by experiencing this problem? If it was telling me something about myself or my life, what might that be? Write it down.

3. What is it telling you to think, say, or do to be more in alignment with what you want?

4. Think, say or do that and see what happens.

Explore and discover your life. Embrace trial and error. More will be gained than from simply speculating.

The answer is usually in the problem.

 

 

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Bullied by My False Selves

Self-Control-Dhammapada

The spring cleaning this year seems more intense than ever, and no, I am not just talking about closets. There has been an intense draw to dig deep and clean out the aspects of my self that no longer are supporting my life. Of course, that wakes up the fear, like when you consider getting rid of that ugly, oversized, comfy sweater that’s become a woobie-blanket….”but what if I need it”!

 

Talk about getting rid of a behavior or pattern that no longer serves you triggers the fear that you’ll somehow throw away something you really need, or will in the future.  “Just in case”. But, if we look closely, the thing we fear we’ll lose is the reason it was created in the first place…like safety.

 

I dug around my emotional closet and discovered three false selves that I’ve been living with for a long time. The liar and the thief, the follower and the fatty. All three were created at a very young age in an effort to adapt to fear because I felt unsafe, even at the cost of authenticity, which I can guarantee you I knew nothing about consciously at that age.  My young primal self simply understood fear or love.

 

Briefly, the liar and the thief was created from a reaction to the belief that I have to hide what I want because they won’t give it to me or let me have it. As a kid, I would lie to my mom where I was going when I knew she would’ve said “no”, or I would steal gum or make-up because I didn’t have the money for it. This is the part of myself that also lies to myself about what I want because I fear what I want will make me unsafe by way of being hurt or rejected. Lastly, I believe I had to hide what I want because I wouldn’t be accepted if I said I liked that or I wanted that…to the extreme that I have hid, or denied myself some things I like.

 

The second false self is the follower.  The short version is I learned in elementary school that if you stand out you could get shunned or beat up…and by your friends. Where I had natural abilities in leadership, athletics or drama, I hid for fear of rejection or punishment (the “who do you think you are, let’s kick the shit out of her” thing). I also learned to take a back seat to others desires in order to be safe. Additionally, it spilled over creating a fear of failure, pressure, responsibility, commitment and success because I would have to be the leader of my life and take ownership of it. I didn’t understand that at that early age.

 

Last, but never least, is the fatty.  (please forgive my crass title but the weight problem just didn’t seem to cut it with the other names). This false self was created from fear of rejection, hurt and abandonment (see a theme?). I feared being seen that I’d be judged and deemed unworthy.  Like the other two selves, the fatty is about hiding and suppressing my wants and natural abilities. In all three false selves, turning away from love, light and nourishment has caused damage, but it is repairable. the fatty adapted from not having the tools to manage my fear of people and the world. the fatty was protection. But what I just realized, she was also my bully. She had to keep down any impulse I had to express or know myself to do her job of keeping me safe.

 

The unintentional creations…these three false selves were all born of survival, and as I started to work to get rid of them, they have been my bullies at times. What do I fear I will lose by giving away these tired and worn-out behaviors and patterns? I’d say safety, but I don’t believe that is true anymore. I have other tools now. Don’t get me wrong, they served a purpose and I am very grateful for them being there at a time when I didn’t have other tools. They were there when I didn’t know anything else. But I do now. Cultivating love, light and nourishment in my life as I have has allowed me to see the aspects of myself so clearly.

 

So how about you? Any false selves laying around the closet that need to go to Goodwill?

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directionless

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In order to protect my heart I put it in a cage.

I didn’t trust it would be safe free in the world.

But now I understand.

I would not be setting it free into the world,

I would be setting it free within me.

And once again, I will have direction.

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